October 13, 2014

  • The Little Things

    Once again, I find myself in the right place at the wrong time.  In this case, that would be the library when someone has the book I need :-)

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    I started my spiritual directing this week.  The first session went pretty well actually, but I'm looking forward to the next session where it's not so much introduction.  Honestly, I got just as much out of it as he did because he too is dealing with being faithful in the little things.  I'm going to get a prayer journal and start writing.  I've been convicted about the little things lately as well, and I want to be faithful to those things and see how God speaks and works through them.

    Our second intramural football game is tonight.  It rained crazy hard last night, so we'll see what the field looks like.  We have 6 people confirmed, so with one more, we will have a full team!  We had one go down last week from pulling his hamstring from not stretching.  I hate to be a mom out there, but we're seriously too old and wise not to be doing that before games.  Either way, even with 6, I'm confident in our abilities.

    My arm still hurts, but I think it's getting better.  I've been stretching it multiple times a day, but I can't tell if I'm just strengthening my entire shoulder, so it doesn't have to work as hard or if it's actually improving the muscle.  I'm trying to limit what I do with it, but football and ultimate frisbee definitely make that difficult.

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    Waiting on God...being still...not striving...is hard.  I find myself every day battling this feeling like I need to be planning a course of action, and every day I have to tell myself to stop, to have faith, and to hope.  I think I've been a little hard on myself in that regard in the sense that planning is just anticipating God's working and what I'll do need I can move forward, but there's a fine line between that and being constantly preoccupied with the "what if."

    I will say though that I've felt much closer to God lately, and that's something I've been working on.  I've been wanting to be more intimate with Him and to listen better.  I wake up with praise songs in my mind, and I'm in prayer more often when I'm driving or in the spaces between class.  I want to continue to need Him and seek Him in the good and the bad, when I act and when I wait.  Ironically, I had "Don't Wait" by Dashboard Confessional stuck in my head last week, and after a while, I really wanted it out.  Yesterday, He put "Sit With You Awhile" in my head, which was perfect.

    "If I could just sit with you awhile, you could just hold me.  Nothing could touch me, though I'm wounded, though I've died."

    I still feel a pain from my relationship with Rae, and the closer get to God, the more and more I regret how all that went down.  But, if it taught me one thing, it taught me that I want to be intimate with God.  I want to want Him; I want to talk to Him; I want to seek and think about Him and His Kingdom like I thought/think about a relationship with a woman.  It'll never be quite the same, but He deserves way more attention and affection than I was giving during that time.  The lyrics and timing of that song are perfect, and I love that.

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    That's all I got.