March 16, 2015
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May(be) 2nd
Spring Break happened... Ghost Ranch Retreat Center in New Mexico. I got to go for free, but I did have to drive. I journaled a little bit while I was there. I may transfer those to here when I get the time. Right now I just need to type.
...
My parents asking about Roatan gave me a good "in" to contact Rae again. Like I mentioned last time, she's just been on my mind a lot recently, and I don't know why. Well, I do know why actually. I still love her and want another chance. I guess I don't know why it's just popped up so intensely all the sudden. Regardless, I texted her and asked if she was going back to Roatan, but she wasn't. Not that they had a special interest in seeing her, but they did make connections with a Crawford girl living there, so it wouldn't have been out of the realm of possibility for them to run into her there as well. She told me she wasn't. I guess I could have asked why, but that really wasn't important to me. After we talked about that for a little bit, I just reminded her to use her Tough Mudder voucher this year. There's a race in Austin and one in Dallas, and in case she didn't remember, I wanted to make sure she knew there were some close. The Austin one is May 2nd, so early warning was relevant. To be fair, I was baiting a little bit, but honestly just a little bit. Last I knew, she was seeing/dating someone, so I didn't want to put too much out there. She said she was thinking about running the Austin one. I told her I wasn't sure yet, and I ended with "enjoy your break."
Then came the "Let me know if you decide to run the Tough Mudder (in Austin)." Hmmm... Instead of saying something like, "Thanks, you too," there was an invitation for further contact. A nibble perhaps, to continue the fishing metaphor, and just enough of one to pique my curiosity. Asking Brandi about it, she said that she though she was just trying to be friendly. I can see that, but given our history, it doesn't seem to play like the right move. Then again, I'm not entirely sure she would know the right move to make... Long story short, I think I'm going to slow play this and just see what happens. She's going to sign up a couple friends; I'm going to sign up a couple friends. It all seems rather harmless and, perhaps, strictly platonic on her part, but...it just seems like there's a hint of something. Part of me just wants to call her out on it now. That would be a bold move, but it would clear the air for sure. I've decided just to let it rest for now. Romance isn't a boot to a locked door. It's a gentle knock or a gentle tap on the window. Less things get broken that way.
Given my recent aversion to even wanting to check dating sites, I wonder if I'm really even ready to take that step. My prayer has been that God give me the confidence to be there. I can do nothing without Him, and there's still work to be done my own walk and it my studies. Then again, there always will be. I just want to come at her from a place of strength because I feel like I was in a place of weakness last time.
We shall see.
