September 12, 2014
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Making Room...
This week has been up and down, mostly up though. I'm still working into a routine with school and reffing and Bible studies and meetings, but I think I've have it down by the end of the weekend.
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I guess the down of this week would simply be my reluctance to push through idleness and procrastination. My schedule is not super busy. My class load is not super strenuous. I have the time to do things, but I find myself falling back into old habits. I do not want to entertain those long, and I won't. It just takes planning, which I tend to love when it is for short term fun and hate when it's for anything remotely important outside my immediate gratification. I haven't been a great steward of my time, but I'm getting better.
Lifegroup this week was good. Lots of new faces and good words of encouragement. I realized this week that I really didn't do life with my lifegroup, so I'm going to start planning things to do. I feel like I've thrown out my nets with social activities lately with not much to show for it. Maybe that's not totally accurate. I don't know. I just feel like I need to invest more in that group, so I will. Camping, shooting, and paddle boarding are on the list, so we'll see what happens.
Along with doing things and making time, I'm still...plagued...by the desire for a meaningful relationship with a female. Rae has popped into my head couple of times this week. World Mandate is coming up, so maybe that's why. One option in my plan to talk to her about "us" was waiting to see her at World Mandate. I've run through my head a couple of scenarios that may happen this week. One is her calling me to let me know she's coming, and that she just didn't want anything to be awkward if we saw each other. The second scenario is seeing her there with a boyfriend. Either way, I think I'm prepared. I'd like to make more of it than it was, but I don't think she was really that into me. I wish I knew why, and I wish it was different... I really do.
All that to say, I realized in my quiet time that I don't have room in my life right now for a relationship. That's not to say I don't have the time, but that is to say I don't have my time yet managed in an efficient enough way to add something else. So, one of my goals this weekend is to simply plan out my schedule this week, block out the appropriate amount of time, and see how things go. If I'm able to have truly "free" time at the end of my day, if I'm able to manage my coursework and other responsibilities, then I'll think and pray more seriously about adding something else.
On that front, I see several beautiful girls every day. At this point, it's all different ones because I don't have a routine. Also at this point, it's almost entirely undergrad students from what I can tell, which is out of bounds. There are a couple of girls in seminary that have caught my eye, but none like the last one. Not yet anyway. My lifegroup is probably 60% girls on a bad day, most of the time higher than that. Second verse, same as the first. Part of me feels like my heart isn't back in it just yet, so while part of me wants to hurry up and find someone, most of me knows there's no sense to rush. God's timing is perfect, and He knows me.
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My shoulder still hurts from BSR from early July. I'm a little frustrated.
