August 29, 2014
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Scars and Stripes...
I think I started a blog, but it didn't end up saving. Oh well.
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I started seminary this week. It was weird walking in the first day. Part of me felt like an outsider because I didn't know anyone that was roaming the halls. Part of me felt like I never left because I knew where all the rooms were, who my professors were, and I can honestly say I probably didn't come across that I was new. My class load seems manageable. I'll be looking for another part time job, and I have a couple irons in the fire as far as that goes. I did see a couple of people I was familiar with, so that was refreshing.
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I went to my first real paid game as an official yesterday. It was a just a couple of small school playing a JV game, but it was good experience. The older officials are always talking about getting as many "snaps" as you can, and I'm sure the more games I go to, the more comfortable I'll get doing everything. I'm getting more confident in blowing my whistle, talking to coaches/players, and throwing that flag. It's fun really.
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I was emotional on the way home from the game. I kept asking God why I was getting emotional. The drive home from Wortham was a good hour plus, so I had plenty of time to pray and to think. I think part of it was just the joy of work, enjoying the work, and recognizing the blessing that is. Part of it was the joy of having a full day and being fulfilled through class and the job. Honestly, part of it was thinking about Rae. There were several little things that just kept bringing her up in my mind...
- My financial situation made me think about how much money I spent on her. That made me think about how much in comparison I spend on God. Rae is not part of my life anymore, but He'll always be there. She's a wonderful person, but He is the Great and Mighty One.
- The long drive reminded me of the long drives I'd make every weekend.
- Passing by Baylor Stadium reminded me of the Baylor shirts I got Jackson.
- A red Mazda Tribute passed me on the highway, and that's what she drove.
- I passed BSR, who is having a mud race soon, which reminded me that I have a Spartan Race coming up. That reminded me of us running together, the fun we had on that trip, and how I would probably be running by myself (again) on this one.
- World Mandate is coming up in a month, and I thought about what I would do if I saw her, what I would say, what it would be like if she brought a guy with her.
It was a little enlightening to me to have all those thoughts flood in, and I'm glad they did. I want to mourn over that. I want to continue to process everything that happened, and why it happened. Most importantly, I want to learn from it, be better for, and be prepared for the next time God sees fit to bless me with someone like her. I obviously didn't handle it very well that time around, and I don't want to make the same mistake next time.
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I am still conflicted about my living situation. I've run the numbers in my head. It makes financial sense to live at home. That saved money could go toward alot of things. The problem is that I think it'd be easier, more "organic," to be in community and make disciples if I was in Waco. It's also a time issue. I spend at least 6 hours a week driving to and from Waco in a week. Living in Waco would reduce that to about an hour or hour and a half. That's close to 5 hours a week I could be doing something else... Studying, hanging out with friends, working out, whatever. I mean, if I think I'm worth at least $10 an hour, that's minimum $200 a month worth of time. Obviously, it's not absolutely necessary to live in Waco to make things function, but things would flow much easier.
Now, the twist. I usually like to estimate conservatively, whether that be over or under depending on the circumstance. In the case of school, I was thinking I'd be done in three years. Recently, I found out that 12 hours of my degree is an internship, leaving me with only 50 hours left to go, which I could do in two years. Two years... Two years. That puts a whole new twist on renting vs buying vs building. I'm not sure why 1 year in my mind makes all the difference. I guess if I rented a place for a year, then built/bought, I would only live there a year if I ended up moving. Why I think I'm moving, I don't know. Presumably, I'd do the internship here in Waco, but that's not for sure. The idea of living in a place for 2 solid years just seems better, more solid than only living there a year.
Blah blah blah. I don't know where/if/when/why I'd be moving, so I can't really count on that, but in my mind, it just seems like that's something that is going to happen.
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End.
