August 3, 2014
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Precipice
Still no majors updates on the life changes, though progress has been made.
Location: We've called on several opportunities, but nothing to move forward on yet. I'll make a couple more calls tomorrow. I'd be nice to find something I could move into, but that's looking less and less like the plan. We shall see.
Car: I called the bank last week about my car title. They didn't get back with me, which is a little unusual, so that's still a work in progress
Job: I've attended the Rules Seminar for the officiating job. I bought my shoes, and now I just need my zebra clothes to go with them, and I'll be set. We will meet 3 or 4 times on the field over the next couple of weeks to get used to what we're supposed to do and where we're supposed to be. It should be fun.
Heart: I wrote Rae a letter and sent it off last Tuesday. I just couldn't hold it in anymore, so sending a physical letter let me get it out and still allowing her to get the message over the weekend. I did send a message to her friend on Saturday not only to ask for her prayers, but also to make sure I sent it to the correct address, which I did. She said "I don't believe you will be getting the response you want... a friendship would be all she is open to." That certainly set my heart in a negative mood, but honestly, I'd asked God to help me prepare for whatever was coming. I spent the afternoon tried to decode what all that could mean, why she felt that way, why she wasn't more specific. Rae texted me last Saturday saying she'd got the letter. Even though I asked her in the letter just to simply send me a text if the answer was "no," she said she'd think/pray on it and "hopefully be able to talk Sunday or sometime soon."
That wasn't the definite response I was looking for. It's nice to know she got the letter, but now I'm just in limbo. I've struggled with what I'm going to do if I feel like the answer is "no," but she still feels like she needs to talk it out. Not that I'm opposed to talking things through and making sure the right decision is made, but I don't want to talk things through because she thinks it'll make me feel better. I'll be torn she isn't open to anything past friends but still wants to hear about my summer. It's not like I've been working on that speech for a while, but it was to be given under different circumstances.
All that to say, I've been giving this situation over to God on a daily basis. I do want resolution soon, but I know I need to be patient. I want things to work out, but I know that I am no less blessed, no less worthy, no less valuable, and my life no less purposeful if things don't. It's just hard to walk that line of being prepared for the worst and hoping for the best. It's hard not to be cynical preparing for the worst, and it's hard not to be euphoric or idealistic hoping for the best.
We normally talk late in the evening. If she calls, it'll be in the next hour or so. If not, I'll probably be waiting another couple of days.
