February 15, 2015
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V-Day +1 ... -1
Today was good. This weekend has been pretty good considering it was Valentine’s Day weekend. Not having a significant other to pamper is difficult, but I made it through.
I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t think about Rae this week. The songs that I included on the CD I made her last year started popping into my head even though I know there are songs on there that I haven’t listened to since I made it. Clicking on some link drew me to some blurb about Jacob’s Well in Wimberley. I remember, chocolates, a card, red heels, a pokka-dotted dress, salmon, and a glass of wine. It seems like my thoughts about her come in waves, and I’m sure this is just a wave that will pass like the rest.
I was talking to someone about how my last few relationships have been long distance and how difficult that can be. As they commented about how they could never do it, I kept thinking “For the right person, that’s nothing.” I’d make that 2 hour trip again in a heartbeat because she’s worth it.
Church was good today, and even yesterday, I have just felt this sense of trust come over me. I trust these schools to pay me though I’ve never met their bookkeepers. I trust my professors to show up to teach me every time I walk into class. I trust my car to start, my water to turn on, and my TV to connect to Netflix every time I pressed the Netflix button. For whatever reason, I just felt this sense of trust in God to provide for me in the relationship part of my life. I’ve searched Match, POF, and ChristianMingle tirelessly. I’ve gone to church regularly, and sometimes walk in with the thought of meeting someone. I’ve lived life trying myself, and it just hasn’t worked.
For one, I’m not ready. I’ve got things to do, and I’ve invested too much time into finding someone. I wouldn’t feel right now even pursuing an intentional friendship. That’s just not where I’m at. The second thing is that, when I do get there, I know He’ll take care of me. Whether that’s meeting some online, through work, at church, or elsewhere, He’ll be faithful. The only way Rae decides that maybe we’re worth another try is by God moving, and if He wants to do that, it’ll happen. And if He doesn’t, it won’t. There’s nothing I’m going to do on my own accord in my own strength that is going to get me something that is beneficial to me. Anything I do without God is going to lead to a dead end.
