May 28, 2014

  • Raining...

    It's been raining here for the last three days.  I think we've got almost 4 inches in that time.  There's a 30% chance of rain from now through the weekend.  I suppose that means no camping for me.

    ...

    I think one of the hardest parts about having this friendship with Rae is limiting myself.  That was part of my original motivation to remain friends.  I'm in a transition in life, I'll have school in the Fall, ... I'm still living with my parents.  If I'm going to spend time with someone, I want to have my stuff straight.  Women look for some semblance of stability in a man, and I'd like to articulate myself in a way that doesn't include "doing [x job] now but not in the Fall, going back to school, not sure what classes, blah blah."  While that's pretty much the picture, and there's the truth, I don't have to present it now.  I can wait when things clear up.

    On the flip side of that is my friendship with Rae.  She already knows what's going on, so if things work out, I don't have to explain anything to her.  We've been talking every other day or so, normally spending 30 to 45 talking about life and another 30 discussing the book.  I think we are about half way done with the book.  I said that out loud during our conversation, but after we hung up, I wondered what things would be like when we finished it.  Even though we talk about different things, I know the reason we schedule times to talk now is because of the book.  While I do want to read other things this summer, part of me wonders if I should read the next book with someone else.  I'd be interested to see how we interact then.  Are we just going through the motions of friendship for the sake of doing it, or is there a genuine give and take there?  I'll ponder.

    Back to limiting myself, I was reading an article on Men's Health about this new dating app called "Tingle."  You have a basic profile with pictures that users browse and either like or dislike.  You can only access full profiles and chat with users when there has been mutual interest expressed.  Pretty shallow, but simple.  While I admit that I would love to try  it, the author writes at the end that online dating can be just a way for a guy to feel wanted or attractive or experience some sense of confirmation about themselves.  Depending on the site, seeing who "liked" you, who wants to "meet" you, who your "matches" are can be very alluring.  Even if it's completely shallow or completely digital, it's more than most men get on a weekend at the bar.  All that being said, confidence is nice.  Attention from the opposite sex is nice.  But, as the author finally went on to say, he deleted his profile because he was interested in more than just that.  He wanted something substantive and real, and he didn't see himself finding that on "Tingle."  In the same way, it is hard to limit yourself when you know that sort of attention is there.  Even meaningful conversation, even if it goes nowhere, is still meaningful.  Even in a small way, it's sharing life with someone.

    God asked me this morning if "it" was enough, meaning my interaction with Rae.  I do reserve hope for more.  I do wish circumstances were different, but honestly, it is enough for me right now.  I do want more, but a) that's not going to happen anytime soon, and b) I really don't need more right now.  I think it's just the right thing for me right now, and any desire of more I just need to give to God and move on.