May 2, 2014

  • Brake

    Well, looks like things have come to a grinding halt.

    Rae and I talked last night.  Nothing really new was said about her negative feeling about us.  After going over everything, we decided to "take a break."  Neither of us want to be "done" with the relationship until we know what's going on.  I told her that I'd wait for her to find clarity either way.  She did tell me that she did seek some wise counsel, and that one of the ladies she is close with had a similar experience with her husband.  She said this lady and her husband broke up a couple of times before finally deciding to go all in.  My uncle and his wife were the same way.  My mom broke up with my dad for three months before they got back together and married.  All that to say, it's not unheard of for this to happen, so I'm trying to take it in stride.

    I'm not doing very well at it.

    I haven't had a free weekend in 3 months.  My parents are actually just 20 miles from Rae right now.  I was supposed to go down there with them, our parents were going to meet, and we were going to have a good time.  Now, I'm at my parents house all alone.  The time Rae and I normally talk has come and gone, and now I sit here and type.

    Why is it that you always find the little notes you forgot about during times like these?  I think the hardest part of our conversation last night was when we were talking about that feeling of "adoration" she felt like was missing.  She mentioned in her most recent email that the way I phrased something was endearing, which to me means there's still room for that sense of adoration to develop.  While I communicated that to her, she came back with "But don't you think you should feel that at the beginning?"  Ideally, yes, but I said I didn't think it had to be that way.

    I could think until I was blue in the face, and it wouldn't do me a bit of good.  I just have to wait.

    There are positives to all this, even if she did decided in the future that we just needed to end it permanently.  I just don't want to go there with myself right now.

    I'll wait.