August 18, 2013
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California Trip: Part 2
Going to California made me realize how much I love to travel. New air, new people, new places... We did a good bit a traveling while I was growing up, and my annual China trip during my college years kept my traveling appetite at bay. Now that I've moved to Georgia, most of my traveling has been back to Texas. Honestly, and let me think on it a minute, but I'm pretty sure this was my first big trip traveling alone to somewhere I'd never been without any particular reason for going other than just to go. That in itself was freeing because that's the kind of person I am. I like to go places. I like to have fun. I think my circumstances got me to where I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything, and when I did go somewhere, it was stressful and not fun. I think being in those circumstances for so long made me think that maybe I was the kind of person who just liked to stay at home and not do anything fun or spontaneous. The truth comes out though, and I'm thankful for that.
Seeing my aunt, Karen, and my cousins for the first time in a long time was cool, too. I didn't see a ton of my aunt while I was there. She was working that week, but both she and Karen were great hosts. I felt "at home" there. There was no tension. There was no awkwardness. Jumping on the trampoline with the kids or throwing the football with Houston or watching movies... It all felt natural and easy and seamless, and that's how a vacation should feel. Maybe I just haven't had a "vacation" in a while. Even going back to Texas sometimes can feel ... not relaxing. Most of that is on me though. I feel like I have to see everyone and do everything in the very short time I'm there, and when that doesn't happen, I'm tired from activity and disappointed because my expectations weren't met. I had no expectations for this trip, and I think that's what made it so peaceful.
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A couple of interesting thoughts:
The first was just thinking about what it would be like to grow up in that environment. I'm not even talking in a household with two moms. I'm talking about the huge house, tree fort, fresh fruit, beautiful highway views, clear skies, beach house, concert tickets, Los Angeles, Hollywood, San Fransisco... Growing up in small town America, just about everywhere I went was cool because it was bigger or taller or nicer than where I grew up. I can't imagine what I would be like to grow up with everything they have. It seems like going anywhere else (except maybe Hawaii) would be a letdown. That quality of life is so high, I just can't imagine having to settle for less than that or the pressure, if any, involved in sustaining that.
That kind of brought me to my second thought, which was more applicable to my situation. That thought was, location makes a big difference in relation to income. Yes, California is a much more expensive place to live. I remember Anna's cousin, James, talking about rent payments in L.A. Craziness. But I'm talking more bigger picture here. Example: real estate agent. I know nothing about it other than that the agent gets a percent of the closing cost. The simple fact is that it would be reasonable to think that a real estate agent in California will/could/should make more money than one in Central Texas. Home values are higher; therefore, so would the percentage. That applies for private or public jobs. Bigger cities means bigger churches meaning more tithes resulting in higher pay for ministers.
I wrestle with this because I want to finish my seminary degree. I don't want to think that I did all that work studying, writing, and reading for nothing. I've not researched the ability to finish online, and that's on me, but moving back to the Waco area has its benefits. However, location affects income, and it also affects dating possibilities. I know God has someone out there for me, and I want to meet her. The cold hard fact is that there are more girls in the Metroplex than there are in Waco, and chances of finding that person seem to be better in a bigger city.
Bottom line: My aunt talked seriously about me getting a job in California, and while I'd never even considered that as a possibility, my eyes have been widened.
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Last thing couple things...
1) The sermon the Sunday I was doing was really good for me. I am in transition, and it's hard to "wait on the Lord." It's hard to know what "the right move" is. It's hard for me to live passionately, to be emotionally vulnerable, to invest heavily in anything when I know that change is right around the corner. Even if I'm not certified until October, the fact remains that in 6 weeks or less, I could have my ticket out of Columbus. I'm living, not waiting to see if things will change, but knowing that they soon will.
2) The trip was great, and especially after everyone left, I couldn't help but think about how much I wanted to share the experience with someone else. I want someone to travel with, to work out with, to go to church with. I want someone to cheer me on, to push me to go farther or faster or be stronger. I want someone to share that crisp air and star-lit sky with. And, for whatever reason, that drew me back to God. God must have wanted a people to call His own. He must have wanted a people He could share His love and His creation with. Why else create us? And that lead me to thinking about the fact that God wants to share in my life. He wants to help me, to guide me. He wants me to know that He cheers for me and is proud when I use what He's given me to glorify Him. In my loneliness, it was strangely comforting knowing that I was sharing my experience with God.
That's all folks.
