December 14, 2010

  • Beautiful

    The first thing on my "to-do" list is blog about "my beautiful girl."  ...  And just to let you know, I couldn't even begin to replicate the font that it is written in, even if I tried :-p  In all seriousness though, I know there are people who care about me, who care about Kaylin that read this blog and want the best for us as a couple.  If I kept any of you in a precarious position, then I do apologize.  C. S. Lewis says, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains."  I've felt somewhat opposite as of late, "whispering" (not blogging much) when life is painful or stressful.  But, today I've got time, made time to blog before my day gets away from me.

    ...

    Though it was just over a week ago that I wrote "things are rockier than ever" between Kaylin and me, there is no doubt that I am dating an absolutely beautiful and deeply caring person.  She has done so much for me over the past few months, even things that I don't quite understand (syncing Google calendars?!).  Big things like scouring my house for hours looking for my wallet, and small things like bringing me the double chocolate brownies from Starbucks that I love so much.  The bottom line: things aren't difficult because I don't love Kaylin or I feel like she's a terrible person.  Anyone that has been in any relationship knows that things can be hard even when everything seems to clicking, so our affection for each other isn't even a factor in any of this.  I'm also dating a girl that is absolutely beautiful.  I felt that way in March when we started talking, and I feel that way now.  I don't tell her that enough, but that's how I feel without a doubt,

    There are probably multiple factors that play into why our relationship has been difficult, but I think a lot of it is just that we are two very different people, raised in very different ways, who handle stress and conflict differently.  Because our relationship was so "high-profile" from the beginning, our relationship has looked more than a "marriage simulation" than a dating relationship, spending almost every spare moment with each other instead of making specific, intentional time to be with one another.  I've spend more time with her on a daily basis than I have with anyone I've ever dated, but we haven't gone on many dates.  I could go on, but on top of everything (and definitely first and foremost), we just haven't kept God the center of our relationship.  Things looked very different at the beginning of the year when I was a youth minister and she had just gotten back from Australia.  She's working at Starbucks in a big way, and I've been trying to build community here, finally becoming officially employed just last week. 

    ...

    But, God is good, all the time, and I feel like God's plan was for us to bless Him and each other through our relationship.  His grace and love are never-ending, and while things have been rocky, I still feel like Kaylin is the girl for me.  I still feel like we can and will glorify God as individuals and as a couple, and I'm confident, should we seek Him with all our heart and live each moment having the mind of Christ, things will straighten out.

    ...

    Tomorrow, Kaylin's family is having a gift exchange, so I need to go out and buy presents