October 26, 2010
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The mood of my last public post was somber, so I wanted to update.
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Sunday night, Kaylin and I had a really good conversation. To be honest, it wasn't as much of a conversation as I wanted it to be as it was mainly me talking. We talked over some things that were getting us both crossways, and things have been really good ever since. I just held her in my arms after we talked, and she told me how natural, how intimate it felt, and I feel like that's the way it's supposed to be. Not that two or three days of peace is anything to right home about, but I feel like this was a major victory, not for me against her, but us against those spiritual forces (including our own human natures) that seek to keep us in turmoil. Now I feel like we have a baseline to work from as far as conflict goes, and that will be helpful. She made a couple of comments on both mine and her Facebook page that really made my day. It's those moments where I'm encouraged all the more to just keep going the way I'm going, knowing that good, great, and awesome are present and just around the corner.
I don't know
I just feel relieved. I feel...more...at peace. Kaylin's life is so stressful right now, even with this bright spot in our relationship. She's really lost motivation to go to school, work at (her) Starbuck's, and it's hard to watch because I know how much she used to love those things. More on that in a bit....
The two month anniversary of my moving to Georgia was this past Saturday. Two months... That's really not very much time at all, but the passing of time has felt different here simply because there is not much "day-to-day." Aside from regularly babysitting and going to church, I drive on a new road, meet a new person, or do eat at a new place just about every day.
I'm not sure why, but just the other day, I was driving home thinking, "What have I acquired since I've been here?" The word "acquired" is weird, but that's the one that came to my head. I thought on it some, and I couldn't come up with much. Financially, I'm babysitting and making pretty good money, but I've spend some of it on things that aren't...just...super awesome. I also hit a truck's trailer hitch my 2nd day here, and that's going to cost me between $500 and $1,500 to fix. :::shrug::: It must be done. Relationally, I've gotten involved in a few things. Young adult worship on Sunday nights, a small group on Monday nights, and a guys' Bible study on Wednesday morning... I've gotten familiar with a few of the regulars at those events, most of whom are Kaylin's friends. I say "gotten familiar" because I've really only hung out with one person outside of those events. Luckily, that has been to play tennis. We played today actually
My relationship with Kaylin has been...growing Hard stuff, worth it. My relationship with God has been...hmm... Hmm. I'll think on words for that. Emotionally, I've been more up and down given everything that's gone on with Kaylin and me. I like it in some ways because I feel like I'm expressing myself a little more than normal. All in all though, I just don't feel like I've really dug in as much as I could/should/need to. Kaylin works hard at work. She works on work on her breaks sometimes. She works on work at home sometimes. Heck, she even works on work when I'm around sometimes, but not very often. Kaylin has been pretty stressed about work. Some of her partners and other shift managers aren't the greatest, but Kaylin's store is doing more business than usual, and while there may be a completely different and plausible reason for that, I think alot of it has to do with Kaylin's effort into that store. It's neat to see measurement like that. It's neat to see that kind of progress in numbers... I want progress like that. I want to be able to look back two months from now and say, "Yeah, [x] has improved [y] much." I know that's not exactly possible for me (unless it's my maxes at the gym), but even a "Yeah, [x] has improved," would be good.
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However, some things can't be measured exactly, and I'm ok with that. The dog makes funny noises and goes crazy when I get home. I taught Kaylin's brothers how to catch a football and throw a disc golf frisbee, and they ask me to go catch or play disc golf. I've been asked to think about leading the men's Bible study on Wednesday morning, and I'm getting to know the ministers at church. I've been camping more in the last two months than I did in the last 18 months, including camping by myself (plus a dog). I've struggled with routine, but at least I'm struggling. I ask the two kids I babysit about God and Heaven, and they talk to me. My girlfriend tells me she loves me, and I believe her.
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