October 21, 2010
-
Hard
Looking back at my blog, I haven't posted nearly as many times in this relationship as I have in relationships past. Kaylin pointed that out to me not too long ago, and it's true. To be honest, I'm really not sure why that is. Maybe because in the past, my friendship with Kaylin has revolved around our blogs, so now that we are together and living in the same city, I don't feel the need to update as much. Maybe adjusting to a new environment has just left me indifferent to regularly blogging. More honestly, maybe it's because I've felt some apprehension about blogging given how rocky [Kaylin and my] relationship has been. [Not sure if that was correct grammar/syntax at all]. Our friendship and our dating relationship has never been front page news. My friendship with Kaylin was pretty low key. Even when we started video chatting, I never shared just a whole lot about our friendship with my friends. We had only been dating offficially for 2.5 months before I left all my friends and moved here. Not that many people back home read this blog, but I wanted to put the best foot forward when it came to blogging about our relationship.
But, as with most things, I want to face that apprehension head on, so here am I. I'm not perfect. My relationship isn't perfect. The way I communicate isn't perfect, and I need God's help.
...
Monday night was the toughest night Kaylin and I have had to date. We both went to a small group Bible study that night, and we went back to the house down the street that she's been staying at from time to time. The house is closer to her work, to church, and she has friends still renting there, so it's a convenient place to go when she gets off work late or wants to hang out. Anyway, we got to talking, the conversation went south, and through tears she said, "I don't know if I can do this any more." [perhaps I'll add more later, abridged version for sure]
Today, I met her again to just to talk about a few things, and our conversation went better. I told her that "breaking up" was the last thing on my mind; she told me that it was a real possibility for her. That's hard for me to hear, and a large part of me doesn't even want to think about it, but it's real. I'm not sure exactly what to do at this point other than to keep putting God first, try to communicate and love better, and praying He would reconcile our relationship.
I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle. I've been very aware of spiritual warfare lately, though I've only fared so-so. Not only that, but most of Kaylin's friends have asked her why we are still together or have told her to break up with me. She told me that even the young adult minister here advised her in that direction... I'm not even sure what to say to that. Prayer and Hope are my biggest two friends right now, and we are getting closer and closer every day.
...
I'm not trying to make any kind of case here. I'm not here to whine or complain. I'm just here as a lesser man telling it like it is.
If you're reading this, just pray for us. I'm confident God can and will work in all of this for His glory, but I'd really, really prefer it if Kaylin and I were together bringing that glory about.
