October 7, 2010
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Relationships, like ministry, take work. There were days, weeks, maybe even months in ministry that made it seem like nothing would ever change, yet there would be that one day, that one event, that one conversation that would make it all seem worth it. I've been with Kaylin for 4 months last Tuesday, and I'm still confident that God has me here, with her, for a reason. It's been up and down for sure, but Wednesday morning was just...awesome. I was asked to lead the devotional for our small guys group that meets on Wednesday morning. I was driving to the Starbucks where we meet, and Kaylin texted me asking me if I was there yet. I felt bad because Tuesday was technically the anniversary day, but she couldn't get off work, and her dad's 40th birthday was that evening.
Anyway, I got to Starbucks about 10 minutes early, planning on ordering a drink, which I don't do often. I'm greeting by a couple of Kaylin's co-workers, and as I'm about to order a drink, I'm handed a wrapped gift with a hand-written letter and told that my drink was almost ready. I was confused at first, as I hadn't ordered a drink, but I figured Kaylin was behind it. Since I had a few minutes before people started showing up, I decided to open my gift up and read the letter. The gift was the Lindt's Milk Chocolate truffles that I love, and after I'd unwrapped it, I started reading the letter... (Rereads the letter)
I just can't even describe how happy it made me. The amount of detail she put into the letter was distinctly her: her font, her artwork, and page numbers written in French at the bottom. She talked about all the little things that I've done that she'd noticed and was thankful for, which I felt like were often unnoticed or unappreciated. She talked about things in her life that I'd noticed but had been afraid to even talk about. It made everything we'd talked about, argued over, struggled with in the last month or so seem to fade into the background. It wasn't so much that the issues didn't matter anymore, but she addressed them in a way that put them in perspective. She talked about how a conversation we had had the previous night was "the start of a process...the start of something good." It was...wonderful. Being encouraged like that made me want to be a better boyfriend and just a better person in general. I've got it sitting right next to my bed...
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Part of the devotional I did that morning talked about how, when we attempt to rebuild something or build a better foundation, the enemy notices and attacks our weakest points. Sure enough, it was only a few short hours before Satan was attacking us again. Looking back at it now, I'm just reminded that the fight is never over. Strongholds are not removed without serious work, and we just have to have a mind to work. I need to work on being a better boyfriend. I love my dad, but he did not set a good model for me. I think that when you've been told, more or less, "You're a great person; you're just a bad boyfriend," by more than one person you've been close with, it's probably true. It's my expression of affection or lack thereof. I told Kaylin I never wanted the relationship I was in to be like the one my dad has had with my mom. [As to defend my dad a little bit here, he's gotten better the last three or four years.] Unfortunately, that "expression" part is one that lingers in me, and I need to work to fix that.
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Short notes:
I'm still on the fence as far as going to China for Christmas goes. My mom and grandma still aren't definitively sure yet. Even if I can go to China, I'm not sure Kaylin would have a spot. If she didn't, I'm not sure what my thoughts are on that yet. I'm still planning on going back to Texas for Thanksgiving though, so there's that.
My knife came in on Monday, and I like it. I need to switch the carry clip, but it's sweet blade. It's a Benchmade 950SBK Rift if you're interested.
I'm still driving with no bumper. I'm at a bit of a standstill as I would like Kaylin's uncle to get me the hook up, but I don't want to wait forever.
I'm thinking about camping by myself tomorrow. I would bring Kaylin's dog with me. I've never done anything like that before, but "conditions are perfect." The sky will be clear, and the moon is new, so the stars will be bright. I often feel like I'm playing host when I go camping, always gathering firewood, stoking the fire, or fixing food. With just me, I think it will be...different. I'm considering bringing either Kaylin's brothers or her cousin that I've been babysitting, but going alone has some appeal to it. I don't have to worry about when I do, what I do, or how I do whatever it is I'm doing. I'm getting a little excited just thinking about it.
Leading the Bible study Wednesday was good for me. I hadn't done that in a while, and it was refreshing/affirming.
There's part of the front screen of my phone that seems to being "ghosting," losing color. I've also had some messages that haven't gone through for whatever reason.
The Rangers are 2-0 in their series with the Rays. I'm pretty shocked. If they win the next game, they will have won their first playoff series in franchise history. Very exciting times.
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Fin
