September 24, 2010
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The Eye
I want to apologize for the lack of updates lately. I think when things turn stressful, I tend to turn inward, which doesn't really help at all. I don't mean to suggest that I'm at the end of my rope, or that things are just too difficult. They've just been hard, and that how life goes sometimes.
Quick Thoughts:
Still no call back from the P.D., but I've heard back from all my references. Things seems to be going in the right direction, but I don't have a timeline.
I'm driving my car without a bumper. It grinds against my every nerve, but I've found a few salvage cars in Atlanta that I may be able to get parts from.
Our Wednesday morning Bible study and Monday night small group have really been encouraging to me. I leave finding myself filled, and that's a good thing.
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It's hard to know just how much to say. Typically, I've pretty open and honest in this blog, though admittedly too open at times. I feel somewhat trapped between typing a stream of consciousness and typing a processed, optimistic blog. The danger would be being perceived as either hopeless and negative or generally happy-go-lucky. I'm certainly not either of those two right now, but I just I could just say I'm waiting for everything to level out. Things have been way more up and down here than I would have ever thought. I've tried my best to look down the road and see the big picture, but that's come off as if I'm emotionally detached from everything. To be honest, I would say that's probably true to some degree looking back to how I was raised and how I've dealt with things in the past. When I first started dating Kaylin, I wondered when those vapors of a new relationship would wear off. Now I'm wondering when things finally settle into a consistent upward trend.
There's two ways of "waiting for things to level out." The first, which is my default, is to withdraw, batten down the hatches, and hold off until the storm clears. Not the best way to go about things, especially in a relationship. The second and better way is to do what you can to bring about that calm, and that's something I've had to work on. I often stay too much, but I find myself caught between bowing out and staying in the midst of things. It's the eye of the hurricane that is the calmest. I'm still in the storm, but I'm trying not to retreat so much. When I do, it seems like I just get caught back into it.
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The next thing I want to blog about is how God has been speaking to me lately and/or about things I've been learning since I've been here. I haven't had a ton of time in solitude, but those times when I have have been good. More would be better though. I'm not sure when I'll have time to do that, but I'll try to make it soon.
Peace
