May 26, 2010
-
SYM
Reading this "Sustainable Youth Ministry" book has been great. I prayed this morning that the wisdom in it wouldn't return void to our youth program, but it has certainly not returned void to me personally. One of the biggest things I got out of my reading today was the need for emotionally healthy youth ministers and volunteers. That seems like a "duh" statement, but emotional health has been on my mind for a while. Anna said in her last letter that, during our relationship, she felt like I needed to "straighten out some aspects" of my life, and the emotional aspect was one of those. That's why I'm being so careful with Kaylin because I don't want any surprises along the way. I want to make sure I address that before moving on and doing anything else.
One statement that caught my eye was this one: "If I sacrifice my joy in Christ or my passion for the gospel on the altar of 'successful ministry,' everybody loses." The author also talks about having your own life outside of your specific ministry. I felt those things in my gut as I started thinking about my experience as a youth minister. I went to China three years in a row over Christmas break, and I loved it. Looking back on everything, I started my youth ministry career in January of '06 directly after returning home from China, and I realized that I haven't been back to China since. Reading those statements made me wonder if I've committed the sin he articulated.
Continuing with emotional health, I realized that I've made "being available" my own holy grail. Rarely do I not answer the phone, even when it's late at night. I may already be in bed asleep, and I'll still answer it. Instead of saying "no," I say "ok" or "maybe" to outside ministry ideas or social opportunities that distract me from things that I could/should be doing. In the back of my mind, I never want to be the guy that doesn't answer his phone, doesn't come to the rescue, doesn't make every opportunity to be there when something is up. The author of the book phrased it in a question: "Is 'no' a four-letter word for you?" For me, I think I operate like that way more than I should.
...
My announcement to the youth of my resignation has been moved back to Wednesday, June 2nd since the 30th is Memorial Day, and they've scheduled a movie for that Sunday evening. It's good. I've not started thinking about what I'm going to say, but I'm confident I'll get there. Kaylin asked me if I felt weird about the whole thing. I don't really. I see God's hand in this, and it feels natural and freeing to a degree, so other than my general feeling of "I wish I could have done more," I'm feeling pretty good about it. It's not like I'm leaving the church either, so hopefully that makes things a little bit better. I'm learning alot from this book about systems, and it's even helping me approach the way I see the way I handle the young adult group. It's growing, more people are hearing about, and we're having a "pre-meeting" meeting to discuss how to handle that growth. It's exciting, and I need to let myself get excited.
...
I was mingling with people after Sunday School on Sunday morning, and a very Spirit-filled lady asked me how I was doing. I answered with the typical, "Fine," to which she replied, "You look tired." I told her I was. I haven't worked out consistently in about a week, I feel like I haven't been sleeping well lately, and I've got a ton on my plate. There are some major decisions to be made in the next two or three months, and those could completely change the landscape of my life...
There were a few good lines my football coaches had that I remember. The first had to do with our effort on the field. We would watch the game film on Saturdays, and every so often, the coaches would highlight a player that was, seemingly, standing still. The problem was that the player had so much going on around him, he wasn't sure what to do, afraid that making the one move would be the wrong move. The coaches response was almost always the same: "If you're going to mess up, mess up going 100 miles an hour." The point being: doing something, not nothing. Go somewhere, not nowhere.
I kinda feel like that right now. My reading in Proverbs 16 the other day seemed to place a little more direction in my hands, but I don't want to mess up. I've been encouraged in the way I've handled things with Kaylin thus far. Not to say I haven't made mistakes, but James told me that if he did half the things I did, his face would be glowing. That's a pretty humbling statement, and I guess I just want to make sure I do something and go somewhere.
