October 4, 2013
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Bookends
There is no doubt about it. Leaving Columbus is much harder than leaving Texas was. When I left Texas, I was sad to go, but I was ready. I had a plan, I had a beautiful girl to was going to be with, and I had a hope for what the future was going to be like. No one likes leaving family and life-long friends behind, but it was time. Leaving Columbus is completely different. My "plan" is very short term. I'm leaving that beautiful girl here in Georgia in another man's arms, and my hope for the future has waned quite a bit. It's hard to press on in a fog.
I've had quite a few "bookend" experiences in the last month or so.
I went to worship at "theDoor" for the first time in a while. I remember the first few times going when I first came to Columbus. Grant was there, left, and is now back. It was good to see some old faces again: Grant, Krissy, Caleb, Hartley, Evan, Zach... Psalm 22 is the one Jesus quotes on the cross, yet the 3rd verse is the one that says "God inhabits the praises of His people." I believe that. I felt that. I felt His Presence, and it was good.
I also flew into/out of Atlanta for my class reunion. Most of the trips, I've flown straight out of Columbus, so it was weird going through the Atlanta airport again. It was a little over 3 years ago when I flew into Columbus. It was summer then, and I remember experiencing the humidity that has become oh so familiar to me working outside most of the day. I remember us getting lost on the way back to Columbus. I remember being in a Starbucks more that week than I had in my life. I remember a husky dog being tied to a fence and getting a bath. I remember old records playing. Good times.
Most recently, I went to Lake Harding and had a little get together with some friends. I remember going to a different lake house just half a mile from the one we were staying in. I even drove past it to see if anyone was there. There was unfortunately. I remember a big house, big windows, a big kitchen, and making chili. I could breathe that moment in all day long.
But, bookends are just that: ends. They mark the end of a something, a section, a genre, a particular entity, and endings always make me sad. I've fought back tears for the last two weeks. There are things and people I will sorely miss, and I'm not sure where to put them in the catalog of my heart. There are questions I have that I want answers to, but I'm not sure the answers would help. I feel a little lost right now, but I know my experiences and my sorrow are not meaningless. I have faith that God is my vanguard in this, and that He will provide for me. The Devil is in the details.
...
I'm about to spend a week helping a friend tear down a cabin. I'll come back, and work a week, pack up, then go back to help him start building. That's really all I can focus on right now... That, and running this race tomorrow. 8 miles doesn't sound so bad when you're used to 12.
